Granted, she finds happiness by eating and quickly balloons to 400 pounds
Granted. She lives a superficial life without any spiritual or philosophical weight to it. Living eternally in the blinding light of happiness, she’s no different from a dog, a cat, or any other non-human animal.
Granted. But she’ll only live for another week.
Granted. You can no longer post her problems online for cheap internet points.
Granted. Your beatings finally get through to her and she lives happily ever after in Stockholm Syndrome.