Domande di Internet

How do you deal with having shared really personal things with an ex that you wish only “the one” knew about you?

It sounds an awful lot like you’re coming off of a Romantic Movie where the one person opens up about something super serious but then gets to solidify how important it is by saying:

“…you’re the only one I ever told that to.”

and it’s super romantic and intimate.

Get the fuck over it.

It’s not the big secrets that matter anyway. You’re putting them on a pedestal. If you admitted them to one person, it’s probably because of that pedestal.

You want to know how you get intimate sharing secrets?

You don’t share the dark secrets.

You share the dumb ones. Embarrassing and silly. Or trivial. Or petty. Or frustrating.

You pooping in the tub when you were 4 and pretending it was a boat (or submarine, depending).

The first time you played “Doctor”.

The one time your parent hit you.

The one time grandma yelled at you.

The time you were outside, picked up an acorn, offered it to a squirrel who took it from your hand, but then no one believed you and you were so mad.

The time you got crazy drunk in college and did something awful.

The day that you met someone almost exactly like you. Except they were better than you at everything that defined you. And they were cuter.

In short: the one time you did something embarrassing and you will never get over it.

We don’t normally talk about these things with anyone except a good therapist. These are the petty memories that will enter your mind unbidden and keep you up all night.

Tell one of those to your SO and tell them you’ve never told anyone before. If they’re the one, they’ll love it and they’ll love you. And you’ll feel a lot safer when that memory attacks you. Because now that someone you love knows, it just ain’t so bad.

Only one of the examples I gave above it true to me. I never told it to any of my girlfriends, even one I crazy loved. But I told it to my friend girl after she opened up to me about something. I mostly told her to make her feel less alone in life’s little discomforts. But I also told her that I never told anyone else about it (true). And ultimately it added a little more brick and mortar to our friendship.

So stop treating secrets like virginity for fuck’s sake.

There’s no such thing as “the one.” There are probably a hundred million dudes on this planet who would be kind and loving partners to you. Pick one who is nice to you and shares some (but not all) of your interests.