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People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?

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Questa volta abbiamo cercato: People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?
People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?

Ed ecco le risposte:

A ticking time bomb

Caught her in an “emotional” affair early on in our relationship.

Both her and him told me it was a mistake and he apologized and told me it was over.

I believed it all.

However I will admit that it bubbled up during arguments over other issues because of how betrayed I felt.

It weighed on me to the point where she told me I needed to see a therapist to get over it. I went to 3 of them over a period of the next 4 years.

We went as a couple maybe a year after that.

Flash forward another 2 years…I found the texts and pics.

It never ended and it only grew. The entire time she told me to get counseling. The entire time we were in counseling together.

The entire time I worked 2 jobs and 7 days a week because she lost her job and took a year off and I picked up the slack.

You do not recover.

Edit: seriously. I 1000% appreciate the comments. I really do. I am in a way better place. Divorce happened. I moved on.

My point about not recovering was probably misspoken. You do not forget. But you can recover. Never give up hope. Thank you all again. 👍🏼👍🏼

I really truly believed I would rise from it and forgive him, get over it, and come out of it stronger.

It was never the same. I lost that trust and I couldn’t get it back. And eventually, I stopped caring to want it back. It was a 7 year relationship & although I don’t regret it, I sometimes wish I knew to walk out sooner.

But it made me realize what I really deserve and it led me to the forever man in my life who treats me so well and loves me and honours our commitment.

It was super short-lived because of the hardcore projecting. Because she cheated, she assumed that I was going to cheat with all my women friends. She became super controlling and didn’t want me to have any women friends. I ended up leaving because my friendships were more important than a broken relationship.

First was mid 2020
Second was just before Christmas
Third was a year or two later, just a single days worth of messages with an old co-worker but any guy who saw those messages knew this wasn’t how friends should be messaging.

Fast forward to just over 2 months ago she finally choose to seperate after we’ve been fighting and, I find out she’s had threesomes mixed with cocaine about a year ago, she’s been on tinder for months. Been fucking a co worker for at least 6 months, likely fucked another dude or two while we where still together and since the separation she’s been sleeping with everyone possible it seems.

Never again. I’m a dude if that matters.

It was never the same

The wounds heal in the sense that eventually you won’t feel constantly nauseous and depressed and anxious anymore, but the resentment never goes away, and you never respect them like you did, and it’s never the same. And they always do it again. Don’t stay. It’s a waste of time.

It was never the same. Then she did it again. Twice. Ended up leaving.

It looks like I’m the exception. It took some time, but our relationship healed. We were married a few years and took it for granted. Neither of us put in any effort. We both learned that a long term relationship requires effort. It was hell for a year. Fast forward 18 years……I wouldn’t say it was easy, but I would say it was worth it and I’m happy I stuck it out. But, I do think both people have to be 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to repair it. I do trust my wife completely at this point but that took a long time.

It sucked. First of all you never get the complete story. The reason for cheating: ‘I don’t know’. Meanwhile you descend into depression from which you’re supposed to get yourself out. Then you see her displaying alarming behaviour but you just can’t fight it anymore. Then she wants a divorce because you let her down. And now I can’t trust anyone or move on

She confessed I stayed I never asked a lot of questions other then the why/how could you. We just had a newborn. she said she needed to be honest it happened a year prior I had the baby Tested (w/o her knowing) . I thought we worked past it man it was a hard road and 4 years and new baby later we needed something in one of her old phones, after seeing the text between them I guess it finally hit me like I really idk Im hurting in a way I can’t really explain….like a deep loss

A living hell until I left.

The best time to drop a cheater is the moment you find out. The second best time is now

I wish I had the strength at the time to be the one to leave. I begged her to stay. She did for a while. She left eventually. If I could do it over I’d have ended it the second she stepped out. I was dumb and weak. That’s my regret.

It’s like gluing the handle back onto a ceramic mug.

Every time you take a sip of coffee, you see where it was broken.

Every time you pick it up by the handle, you mirco-flinch, half expecting it to break again.

Because you know it’s going to. Sooner or later.

It was my ex who cheated on me. We proceeded to stay together for three more years but I never forgot it. It always pinched me. We’d be having the best time and it’d hit me ~oh look he still cheated on you~
And it hit harder considering the party he cheated on me at, right before he left it I was vulnerable and told him that please don’t do it. He still did it. He got hammered. He crashed at mine, I took care of him all night while he threw up. He still cheated.

I was the cheater. It wasn’t a physical affair, but it was an emotional one. Also, no sexting or pics, but sexually charged conversations that were probably going to lead there eventually. I had a friend confront me about it and said while they weren’t planning on telling my wife, they encouraged me to cut off all contact with the woman and to tell my wife. So I did. Sat her down, told her about it. Offered to let her look through my phone so she could know and told her she could ask as many (or as few) questions as she wanted about it. Then I signed up for therapy and she signed up for therapy too. We were going to do couples therapy also but we couldn’t afford it.

We had a period of several months where she didn’t like me, didn’t want to spend time with me. I kept trying to be like “But I changed. I’m not doing it anymore.” But she just needed some space. Finally at one point I realized I was trying to force a happy relationship. So I told her, “I haven’t let you take the space you need. The only thing I want in the world is for us to be okay. I never want to be with anyone else. But I also know I broke your trust and so if you decide you need to leave me, I understand and it’s okay. I want us to be together, but I also don’t want you to feel like you have to stick around after I broke your trust. So whatever you need to do, I support it and I’ll do what I can to make it easier for you.”

She told me she was committed to staying. And idk something about that conversation seemed to have helped. We started spending a lot more time together. We both kept going to therapy for a while and then both decided we felt okay about where we were. We started doing more stuff together and things felt really happy again. One night about 6 months after that conversation (about a year after when I told her about the affair), we were laying in bed and I was about to fall asleep and she just said, “I don’t think I told you yet, but I forgive you. I think I realized it a few months ago, but I wanted you to hear me say it.”

That was maybe the best moment of my life.

That was about 18 months ago and we’ve been doing much better since then. I have had zero contact with the woman I had been talking to, and while I do still have close female friends other than my wife, my wife is part of the friendships rather than totally separate. We have way more fun together now and we addressed a lot of the issues that I think led me to feeling lonely and wanting to step outside of our relationship in the first place.

We still deal with issues, but we’re doing very well. She didn’t have to stick with me, but I’m so glad that she did. We’re closer than we’ve ever been.

Anyway, I don’t blame anybody for leaving after an affair. I think that’s a totally fair response to being cheated on. But I also have experienced how a relationship can heal, and I’m really grateful for a wife who saw me being a shitty partner and decided to love me anyway.

You can’t unscramble eggs.

I stayed in one of those situations for a about 2 years. It was horrible, you never actually rest, it wears you down, the constant wondering.
Now years later, she spent years bouncing around and now has some kids and no man.
I am now happily remarried, of 7 years, and have a beautiful step daughter that loves me to pieces, things could hardly be better for me.
My advice, fwiw, walk away and hold your head high, you’ll be alright if you don’t let your self fall to that level again.

I tried to give them a second chance. I really did. They proved me wrong. Cheated on me and then SHOWED me her new boyfriend. Then the boyfriend started saying how I was a limp dicked bastard who could never treat her right. After about 2 months she came to me saying she wanted to give us another shot. So I reluctantly said yes as I’m all for second chances, but I told her that if she really wants to be together, she needs to earn my trust and respect back. Fast forward a couple weeks later she says she wants to break up. Turns out she found another dude so I told her that if she ever comes crawling back to me, she’d be wasting her time and breath.

She cheated and got pregnant. The family of the ex she cheated on me with denied the child was theirs. I mostly stayed for the kid because I couldn’t believe they could just leave a child like that.

When it happened I was living with them and she was visiting her ex because she already previously had a child with him and their setup was she would visit every weekend. Due to issues with her father, they ended up kicking her (and by default me) out of the house.

She stayed with me and my family for a year, but she had her own issues she had to work out and it was clear she found no problems with her issues, showing zero interest in changing or growing with me (made it difficult living with her).

After a year, she couldn’t take it anymore and moved back in with her family, leaving the kid with us and I couldn’t be happier. She was never in the right mindset to raise a single child, let alone two, and I couldn’t be happier we’re (my family and I) are the ones raising my daughter.

Finding a new partner has been challenging and I no longer have the confidence in myself that I once had when I was in college but being with my daughter has been extremely enjoyable while also being enlightening.