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What’s your advice to people who feel lonely or left out in life?

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Questa volta abbiamo cercato: What’s your advice to people who feel lonely or left out in life?
What’s your advice to people who feel lonely or left out in life?

Ed ecco le risposte:

I don’t think there’s a person alive who hasn’t felt that way man, so just internalize that thought and reach out to someone who’s also lonesome

(1) Let yourself feel the emotion properly and without judgement. Usually when people are feeling lonely they think “get rid of it, get rid of it!” and don’t stop to pay attention to loneliness as an emotion. Culturally, we’ve been taught that some emotions are “positive” and some are “negative”, but that’s really not the case. All emotions serve a purpose. They exist to teach us something, tell us who we are, make us feel alive and show us where our life is heading. That’s all. And if we reject certain emotions because we’ve stigmatised them, then we aren’t getting these benefits and we aren’t properly resolving any trouble that is hidden behind the emotions. We aren’t letting ourselves feel alive. So close your eyes, stop your thoughts from taking the centre stage, and listen to what your emotions are like in and of themselves. What does loneliness feel like, inside of you?

(2) Usually by doing that we realise that these emotions aren’t such a big deal, we learn to see them for what they are beyond all the thoughts that come alongside them and the negative connotations we give them. The real problem are usually the thoughts rather than the feelings. The next step is to address that. The truth is, people don’t often understand their own loneliness very well. If someone is scared of feeling lonely and wants to get rid of the emotion as soon as possible, it’s normal that they don’t want to sit down and think about it even more. That sounds counterproductive. So to solve the problem, they might think they need… more friends? Better friends? More diverse friends? To go out and have some fun, get their mind off things? That will just make them keep feeling lonely again and again! They don’t know what they want! That’s why all these meet-a-friend and penpal subs fail: someone makes a post saying they’re looking for a friend but then they don’t answer the volunteers. You need to understand why you’re lonely. You need to know what you’re looking for and what you don’t want, so you can find a solution that addresses the real problem. I recommend making a list of what you don’t want and a list of what you do want. For example, one morning a few months ago I felt lonely and so I made this list:

  • I don’t want someone I can talk to. I don’t want a friend. I don’t want someone who will talk to me or send me messages. I don’t want someone to meet up with during my free time.

  • I want someone I can look up to. I want someone close to me who I admire and can see as a role model. I want someone who shares my values. I want someone who’s been through the same challenges I have faced. I want a casual relationship, where we can both drop off the map and then talk as if we never left when we see each other again.

And so, when you know what you want, it’s much easier to find people who fit those categories. You might realise that you already have people in your life who follow these guidelines and you hadn’t even realised! I realised I had two coworkers who I looked up to, I realised my librarian is someone I really like and we have that sort of casual relationship and I know where to find people with my specific values. So, the way to solve my problem was simply to be more grateful for the wonderful coworkers I had, visit the library more often and talk to the lady while I’m there, join the library book club and do more animal rights’ activism. In 15min, all feelings of loneliness were gone.

(3) Take some time to practice mindfulness. Sit down somewhere and look at the world around you, listen to what you can hear and close your eyes to smell the air. Take a moment to feel grateful for the opportunity to experience emotions in your life, and for the people who have made you feel less lonely in the past. This little mindfulness session will help you restore your mind and bring you back to a calm and peaceful state if the emotions of loneliness were affecting you.

Basically, this same process works with almost any emotional problem: feel the emotions, think about why you feel that way and find a real solution adjusted to your specific situation, mindfulness & gratefulness.

There are lots of you. Find each other.

find love and acceptance within yourself. do things you want to do with friends by yourself, dance to your music and wear funny clothes. remember that your life is a miracle. as a mentally ill person, i feel lonely a lot, and sometimes all you need is to remember that you’re worth spending time with. better days will always come if you’re patient with yourself <3 i hope you feel better soon

Reach out to people around you. They won’t know how you’re feeling unless you tell them. And if you don’t want to tell them, then just make up excuses for contacting them like sending dumb jokes or funny pictures.