Mini Guide

Consiglio: If you are in a relationship have a verbal reset button you can use to stop arguments if things are getting heated or hurtful.

Consiglio del giorno che ti può essere utile:

My fiancé and I don’t often argue, but when we do, it’s often because one of us is in a bad mood and then gets set off by some stupid comment or something that annoyed us. When you are upset it is easy to keep going down the road of negativity once you’ve started, but we’ve introduced a really simple thing to stop it: the verbal reset button.

This is how it works: if one of us is latching onto something and making a bigger deal out of it then we should, and then realize we are being unreasonable, we ask the other one “Can we hit reset”? This means a few things; 1) since the antagonizer is the one who is typically requesting the reset in the situation, it’s a temporary acknowledgment that they were being unfair somehow and offering a temporary apology through those words; 2) they want to stop talking about the subject now but will talk about it later when they are calmer; 3) they want to have a good day with the other person and not ruin it over a fight; and 4) it shows respect to the other person because you are asking permission to leave the topic, not demanding it.

The other person will say yes if they accept (We pretty much always do) and then we hug it out and have a good time. This doesn’t mean we never talk about the thing that started the fight, it just means we are recognizing that while we may have some valid feelings we weren’t addressing them in a healthy way. Usually the topic is discussed later with calmer heads and then apologies are given if anything rude or hurtful was said in the heat of the moment.

Having a verbal reset has been extremely helpful for us, and I hope it helps you too.