As much as everyone here seems to be trying to help, they are helping the wrong way.
Sexy is as much about what you can see as it is about what you can’t.
Sexy is a state of mind. If you feel confident and sexy, 99% of the time your partner will think so, too.
Allude to something. Give a clue that you’ve got something to show him later.
Leave hints.
Sexy is about the small things.
You’re asking good questions bro. I agree with a lot of the advice from others and will just add a bit on the nature of arousal. One of the biggest issues with male culture these days is that most of us have been raised on porn, and all of us are influenced by it in some way, but the themes in porn are so hyper-artificial that it’s created a whole generation of mediocre males and frustrated females. (Or insert what ever genders you’d like; but you get the point).
One of the most consistent things I hear from women is that men don’t know how to turn them on, that they rush into sex, and that it’s “all about the orgasm” for men. A lot of women want to be turned on slowly, over a period of time, and want intimacy that has more depth and care. This doesn’t mean that quick and/or rough isn’t super sexy (in the right context); it means that porn culture has unconsciously trained us men to act in a way that is superficial and inadequate to the deeper needs of many women.
All that said, I’m a big advocate for the “gradual turn on”. What this translates to is a prolonged process of activating our partner’s different senses, until they are fully turned on and eager for sex. How this looks for me is that on at least a weekly basis I will intentionally create a full night experience for my partner. I’ll take the lead in the whole situation. First start by creating a beautiful, warm, and plush setting. Candles, deliciously scented flowers (Lillies are great), comfortable lighting, and non-disruptive music. As a test, when you have your space set sit in the middle of the room or on the couch, close your eyes and take in the scents, sound, and atmosphere. See how it feels, paying attention to the subtleties that arise in your consciousness.
For the evening itself, take control of making all the food. When she arrives into the spot (even if you live together!), have a bottle of wine or a nice drink ready to make for her. Have a small tray of a few lite and delicious snack foods. None of this needs to be too expensive, just go for quality and simplicity. (Thinly sliced apples and a nice block of hard goat cheese; some berries; gently sauté some almonds with olive oil salt and a dash of pepper and sugar and serve them warm; etc). Gather these snacks and present them in beautiful and ornate fashion. They’re great to munch on with a drink, and will hold you both over while you make dinner. Enjoy the process of cooking and your time with each other.
For dinner, it all depends on your preferences. Again, you can make some delicious meals for very little money. If you’re not that experienced Google how to make basic and delicious meals, and learn some new recipes. Have fun with it.
During the whole process of cooking, drinking, snacking, eating dinner, engage with her. Be present. It’s all about her, so keep the conversation and attention on her. Touch her hands, caress her, give her gentle random kisses after you feed her a bite of something yummy. Don’t “try” to turn her on sexually, just keep it playful yet sensual.
From there the energy of the evening is established. Where is goes is up to you. I encourage further touching, caressing, maybe dance; playful intimacy. Just enjoy each other. If it moves toward sex then great. But sex isn’t the end goal. And maybe if it is, it’s not about intercourse but instead feed her delicious food and drink, then massage her body, then go down on her for an hour, taking your time.
What ever you do, be present and make it all about Her. Keep it playful and have fun.
Personally I’m really tactile so I appreciate when my bf wears the super smooth spandex boxers, I can’t resist touching him and then we always end up having sex.
Just ask her! Every woman is different and we all find different things to be “sexy”. For me, reciprocation doesn’t have to be anything sexual. I just like to be appreciated, respected, and I like to have help with the day to day stuff. The sexiest thing I find in a man is his loyalty and reliability. Be there for me when shit in life gets difficult or to help ease the struggles of life in general. That’s the best reciprocation to give in my opinion. And in turn, it’ll help improve your sex life because you’re connected on a deeper level than just sex. It takes commitment, not just love, to keep a relationship happy and the sex life exciting. Another thing that helps me at least, when I’m not feeling so great about myself, is tell her she’s beautiful and you appreciate her in every way and basically remind her all the reasons she should feel good about herself. And most importantly, do it without her asking, it makes a big difference!
Out of left field but some women find certain underwear sexy on men, my girlfriend finds it sexy when I wear jock straps, so I have a few different ones to wear for her