Tl;dr : My husband discovered that he is or wants to be polyamorous and wants to add another woman, a friend of mine, to our relationship. I'm not polyamorous and while I am attracted to both men and women I'm uncomfortable with including another partner in our relationship and he has continued talking to her and trying to ask me about it even after I've explained my discomfort with it.
My husband (29m) and I (28f) have been together for roughly 9 years, married for 7, and recently had our first and likely only child, born at the end of 2019. (we both only wanted to have one) After many, MANY long discussions I agreed to leave my job and stay home with our child until they start school.
I was very reluctant to leave my job as it was significantly better than the jobs I worked during my 11 years in the minimum wage service industry, it paid WAY better, actually had benefits and employee bonuses, and paid sick leave ( which is unheard of in most if not all minimum wage jobs) and was unsure I could find and get another job like it after our little one started school.
Financially speaking we could afford for me to stay home and eventually I did agree that it would be better for our child if I stayed home with him since we both grew up with very busy parents (meaning they were mostly unintentionally absent) and didn't want that for the little one.
A few weeks after I've resigned and there's no going back my husband tells me that he is Polyamorous and wants to know if I would be okay with having another partner in our relationship, a girlfriend for both of us in a sense, and if I would be okay with that potential girlfriend being a friend of mine…
I'm not at all uncomfortable with polyamory in a general sense, but I myself am not polyamorous and ultimately not comfortable having a romantic or intimate relationship whatsoever with more than one person. I'm also still dealing with post partum hormones and adjusting to hormonal birth control so I've had to struggle to keep my moods and emotions in check…
I did tell him about this, how I wasn't comfortable with it and didn't like it so he asked me to just think about it and has continued to talk to my friend daily, almost constantly. Honestly I just don't like the idea of it, it hurts to think about him being romantic and intimate with another woman. Hell, to be honest it hurts me that he even wants another partner at all especially since the partner he wants is a friend of mine. It makes me feel and think “I'm not enough” and I hate that because that's probably not even the case.
I don't want to agree to something that I'm not okay with that also hurts me, but I don't want to say no either because I can't fight the feeling that saying no will lead to him cheating on me…
I really don't want to leave him either, because I do love him and if it comes down to it and I end up wanting or needing to leave, I'm in the frustrating position of needing to find a job to support not only myself, but a child as well… A JOB LIKE THE ONE I JUST LEFT.
I'm hurt and frustrated, I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone I'm comfortable talking to about this and I need help. I need advice, because every time he brings it up and I'm honest with him he asks me to take some more time and consider it.