We've been friends since high school and I've been head over heels in looooooove with him for so long! I was looking at pictures and videos of us hanging out, and I cannot believe I'm lucky enough to call this dude my best friend. He's seen the worst of me and supported me through everything, and we've been through so much together. He always knows how to cheer me up, give me a hundred reasons to smile even when I can't think of one. I remember this one time in grade 9, I was just sitting on the floor, thinking about how horrible my mental health was and how I just wanted to be a normal person,,,, and he was on the opposite side of class but he noticed I was feeling down and came over and sat next to me, on the floor too, and asked me if I'd been playing anymore Skyrim and to tell him about it. I still feel butterflies and all that jazz everytime I hang out with him, but underneath that I feel comfort and peace and security. I think I understand what people mean when they call someone “their rock”
He's not really the best looking, maybe, and he's insecure about DOZENS of things, but I just want to hug him and tell him I don't see any of that. I don't even think I noticed them till he told me how he hated them, and I'm pretty sure no one else does either (and if they do fuck them because he is SO much more than that).
I'm going to tell him as soon as quarantine is done and it's safe to. I'll take him out to his favorite park and we'll be sitting next to eachother on a bench, or maybe walking around, and I'll tell him, or maybe I'll kiss him, I don't knowww
If he doesn't feel the same way, though… He's going to have to awkwardly say no, and we'll start talking less and less until me or him will ask to go no contact. It'll take me at least a few months, if I ever even do, to get over him, and only if we haven't drifted apart by then, we'll maybe be able to reconnect and be friends again. Even then, things will never be the same because he'll always have the lingering doubt that maybe I haven't gotten over him yet, and we'll both have lost someone incredibly important to us
Maybe I should just shove my feelings away and stop thinking about him that way 🙁 I think this is the biggest risk I've ever even considered taking and aaaahhhhhh it makes my heart beat so fast just thinking about it