(In a relationship for 11 months)
It is currently 2am where I am and I’m quite shaken up right now. So why not come here?
I snooped through my boyfriend’s phone. I know. I shouldn’t have been doing that. I know that either you’ll end up finding nothing and feel bad or you find something and end up like me. Conflicted, hurt and guilty.
Lately my boyfriend has been getting frequent messages from girls at night. I’m talking like 1-3am. I don’t intentionally look at the messages though. I’m usually still awake at this time and his screen turns on when he gets a message and it catches my eye. All I see most of the time is the name. When I do catch some of the message it’s always some pretty mundane stuff like “Awesome”, “Why is that?” Or something like that. But it still bothered me. So tonight I snooped expecting not to find anything. Again, I don’t know why I snooped and I feel horrible.
Anyways, I looked into his instagram messages to her and some time ago (1-2 months) he was talking to this girl(he’s still talking to her) and he said “I’m telling you this in secret but I kinda hope you’re still single if my girlfriend and I break up because I think you’re super attractive”
And now I got hit by a truckload of karma because I feel like shit. But I’m also very upset. Usually were quite open about our friends and people we talk to occasionally but he never mentioned her. I don’t know what I should do. Should I tell him I snooped and found that? Am I overreacting to this? I honestly feel kind of betrayed he’d say something like that to somebody else while I’m severely struggling with body imagine and self worth.
I’m sorry for rambling but I’m quite upset and tired.
Tl;Dr: I snooped and saw that my boyfriend hopes certain woman is still single after we break up because she’s super attractive.
Tell him you hope she’s still single too, because you two are done.
This is the end of your relationship. He doesn’t value you at all and is keeping his options wide open for anyone else who might come along. You deserve to be in a loyal relationship where you aren’t just an option, please show respect for yourself by breaking up with him.
He will try and make up excuses or say it’s not that bad, but this is unacceptable. Leave him.
You deserve a guy who’s all in with you. Let this loser go and find him. The only karma you got was the priceless opportunity to not waste another second on this awful human being. Kick him to the curb, grieve and find that awesome person whose smile is like the sun on your face.
He has a backup ready for when you dump him, which means he isn’t devoted to you. Dump him.
I’m not going to get on you about the snooping because you already know, and honestly, I think most of us are guilty at least once in a relationship of snooping. Now you know that you definitely had reason to be suspicious and that feeling in your gut was right. Always trust your gut. Take that lesson with you and dump this jerk. He sees you as an option, a placeholder until something better comes along. You deserve better than that.