Thank you everyone! I finally told him. He was disappointed and a little hurt, but the conversation went better than I imagined. He understands why I did it. He's really incredible.
Now I don't have to have sleepless nights thinking about how and when to finally tell him or be afraid I'll tell him in my sleep or if I have one too many glasses of wine.
Maybe I can let loose a bit and maybe actually enjoy myself for real. I still feel icky for having lied to him, but I also feel a huge weight off my soul. & I'm excited for the future!!
I'm sorry if this isn't allowed here, I'm new to this sub.
I never felt like I deserved to feel good. I never thought my pleasure was super important. I grew up having to be performative for any affection and attention from my parents. When I first started having sex I thought there was something wrong with me for taking such a long time to orgasm. When I told an ex that I had been faking it with him he basically said it was more enjoyable for him if I just kept doing it and if I tried to focus on my pleasure, he would get disinterested. So it eventually became a habit I couldn't break.
Now I'm with this guy who makes me the happiest in the world and makes me feel deserving of love and he wants me to feel good. But I've already been faking it with him for awhile and I'm afraid of what will happen if I'm finally honest about it.
I've never told anyone any of this and I have a lot of shame. Sometimes this keeps me up at night and I feel nauseous thinking about what would happen if I ever accidentally let this slip. I love him so much, and I'm really scared.
Should I tell him? How should I tell him?
You should definitely tell him, the best sex is when you both communicate what you like. One of the greatest pleasures for a man us making his women cum, but he wont be able to do that if you dont communicate and when he makes you cum for the first time he’ll feel amazing.
Just bring it up like say you want to talk about sex, it’s not somthing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
> I never felt like I deserved to feel good.
Therapy. Like, yesterday.
Trust me, it will fix your orgasm problem and probably a bunch of others as well.
> Should I tell him? How should I tell him?
Nice quiet atmosphere, be open and answer questions. Do not put your love towards him to doubt here. I am guessing but the problem lies in your own love for yourself and this is something you alone must fix although he can help immensely here as well. If you love him then don’t be afraid to tell him.
Longer you wait the worse it’s going to get.
INFO: Are you able to have orgasms on your own, no partner involved?
Here is the thing….
My GF and I had bad sex last night (sorry for the TMI). You know what I DIDN’T do? Bottle it up. I asked her later that evening if it felt “off” for her as well. We actually talked. Basically it felt rushed, she fell out of being in the mood (other things on her mind) and just the rhythm was off. Now, I said I was disappointed in myself since I like to have good sex and we both said, “Hey it happens. One day of bad sex doesn’t negate all the other great times we’ve had sex”. So we TALKED about it.
I would definitely talk to your partner about it. I’m sure he will be hurt (bruised ego) but the best thing from there is to explore. Can you get off when you’re masturbating? Can you explain what things you do to help you get there that he can try/do to get you to orgasm? If you can’t orgasm alone then you need to do a little work and figure out what works the best (because if you cannot orgasm alone then it’s damn near impossible for him to be able to). So talk and communicate.