I am usually a fan of vanilla sex, my boyfriend isn't. He likes the BDSM side of things. When we first got together 5 years ago, I had barely done anything other than missionary. He is my second relationship, and my third sexual partner. We explored some things, and I found out that I enjoyed being lightly choked and by that I mean I liked having his hand on me, nothing more.
Last night, we were enjoying our time together, and things got.. weird, uncomfortable, and flat out dangerous. I was laying on my stomach, and he was laying on top of me. He started getting more and more aggressive, pulling my hair, and pinning my arms at my sides. I didn't argue, in the heat of the moment it was nice. He started choking me, he literally put me in a headlock. I couldn't breathe and started seeing stars and getting tunnel vision. I tried moving my hands, but he had trapped me, I tried to use our safe word, but I literally couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe at all. I passed out.
When I came to, I was rolled over on my back. I started crying, and asked him how long I had been unconscious for. He said he wasn't sure, and that he “Didn't notice” that I had even passed out until he had “finished”. I told him to get away from me. He argued that I didn't say anything, or tap out. I said how could I? You pinned me down and choked me until I passed out? I called a friend and left immediately.
He's been calling me all day. He doesn't want me to throw away 5 years of a relationship for 1 mistake. I am hesitant to go back to him. I'm afraid, how could he not notice me no longer making noise (I'm super vocal) or going limp? My friend says I can stay with her as long as I want, and for now I've turned my phone off. One of the last texts he sent me he said that it's just because I'm “inexperienced with breath play” and idk what that even means. He said we never talked about what happened if things went too far, and I say he took all my options away from me (pinning my arms down, choking me until I couldn't speak).
I feel disgusting and violated. I briefly thought about filing a police report, but for what? In five years, nothing like this has ever happened. Is this normal? Could it really have been an accident that I'm blowing out of proportion? Did I really just not understand kinky sex?