Relazioni e amore

My (33f) husband (35m) said something disgusting and I can’t move past it

HermitBee ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:


I’m 33f and my husband is 35m. We’ve been married for 8 years. We’re going through a rough patch at the moment. A few weeks ago, my husband went out with a few of his friends and my brother Ron. At the time, my husbands brother Toby (25m) had just gotten engaged to his current fiancée Isabelle (23f), though Toby had not been invited to this outing.

My brother told me that night my husband m indulged a lot (he doesn’t often). Ron said that my husband admitted that he had always thought that Isabelle, who had been friends with Toby for 15 years, had always had a crush on him and even after she had begun dating Toby, he had thought they were going to hook up “eventually”. One of my husbands friends said that just because she was engaged to Toby didn’t mean anything and he just laughed, and another one of his friends said that them getting married just meant she’d be around more often.

After my brother told me about this conversation I confronted my husband and he told me he didn’t remember saying that or much else from that night, but he did tell me he had always thought Isabelle had a crush on him and had never told me because he thought I would’ve acted “strange” around her.

I’m having a hard time moving past this. The way my brother described my husbands attitude and conversation that night was completely disgusting and disrespectful to our marriage. What’s bothering me the most though, is my husband can’t remember saying any of it so he thinks it should just be discounted and I shouldn’t take it so seriously. So he just thinks I should move past it, meanwhile he’s helping Toby and Isabelle move into their new house, sometimes being alone with Isabelle for hours while Toby works.

I’ve even spoken to another one of his friends who was there, who told me it was just rambling and I shouldn’t put any stock into it, although I know that this friends loyalty is with my husband and not me. I don’t want to overthink something but I also don’t want to brush something under the rug that shouldn’t be. Do I move past this?

Also when was he planning on hooking up with her because she was 15 and he was 27 when you all got married……….

The ages make this post so much worse

To speak of your own brothers fiancée like that is disgusting, alcohol or no alcohol. I could never imagine doing that to my younger brother.


You say this shit in front of your wife’s brother?! What an asshole.

Edit: he’s probably lying about not remembering because alcohol just gives the world plausible deniability. The guy basically said he thought he was gonna hook up with his brothers girlfriend/fiancée. A guy who does that probably isn’t above lying. I’m really sorry, OP.

Now it’s only up to Isabelle because you can be 100% sure your husband is down if the situation arises. You should tell Toby

Your brother is the only person in this story making sense and doing the right thing. Please believe your brother who loves you and wants the best for you.

Your husband know what he said , he’s just denying it.

You should tell Toby and Isabelle that your husband is making this gross comments about his brother’s fiancé that he knows since she was a child. If I were Isabelle I’d want to know that I’m wasting my time being polite to someone who’s making this sorts of comments behind my back.

Honestly, this man sucks. He has no respect for you, his brother and the fiancé that probably looked up to him as a brother.

Just to check – your husband met Isabelle when she was 8 and he was 20, and he’s always thought she has a crush on him?

Please tell me I’m misreading this.