We have been married 16 years and have 3 kids (16F, 14M and 10F). An event yesterday (which I will get too) has made me fully realise that my wife has always been deffering to me the discipling and telling our kids the can't or aren't allowed to certain things while pretending to side with the children. Now I want to make it clear that I love my wife and wholeheartedly believe she's a good person and I think this stems out of fear of the kids not liking her that she does this. For example yesterday my wife came to me saying that our eldest daughter wants to break lockdown rules to go and see her boyfriend and my wife tells me that she told our daughter that she was fine with it but that now I needed to go and tell her that she can't but make it seem like it was my decision and I overruled her. I stupidly did exactly as she told me.
It then clicked that this has been going on for years like one of our children doing something bad and she comes to me saying that I need to dish out x punishment while she then tells the kids that she doesn't agree but “daddy's in charge”. That also made me realise that I need to stop this way of doing things because it is wrongly teaching the children that the man in the relationship gets to make the decisions. I then had a dream last night, in the dream my eldest two were older having a random conversation with a friend telling the friend that their mum was so much fun and let them do so much. Then the friend asks “what about your dad?” to which my daughter replied “oh he was such a strict ba*tard, he never let us do anything”. I genuinely believe this was some kind of sign that I need to stop this happening before my dream becomes reality and I need to put the record straight. I am planning on confronting my wife but don't know what to say. Help me out MassimoL.
TL;DR: My wife always manipulates me into being the one who tells off the kids and sets restrictions, I don't know what to do.