Relazioni e amore

My (F14) father (45) paid to get someone to look into my phone’s snapchat and then went through my entire phone that I paid for. How much Privacy should I be allowed to have?

TreeCityKitty ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

I'll keep this as quick as possible:

I was in a car ride with my father when out of no where he mentions “I'm very proud of you.” I ask what he's talking about and he says, “For rejecting that boy.” So, after a few questions I discover that he was talking about a message I saved on my snapchat, which was protected with a password. The message was to a senior who wouldn't leave me alone so I went off on him a bit. After being a bit angry I asked my dad how he knows and he said he had to pay someone, but its all to protect me. He has always said there a kids in my school he uses to find out what I'm doing, I always found that crazy, but I'm starting to think he would if he could.

Then, one day he gets mad and goes through my entire phone himself and finds me swearing in texts and then finds a post on MassimoL where I said I had been molested. I wasn't actually molested, but I was 12 when the incident happened so I freaked out a bit, I was basically just touched in a weird way, but didnt actually get groped. He was furious about this post and I think he shouldn't be angry at me for being confused and borderline depressed. So, that combined with me swearing in texts makes him take my phone away for an entire year. (I'm posting on my laptop he forgot about)


In the end, what I'm trying to say is, how much privacy should I have? I get A's and B's, have never messed around with boys, Never smoked weed/got drunk/ect, I bought my phone/laptop, and consider myself mature. However, I dont pay for the Verizon internet.

(P.S.)If I'm being stupid let me know, thanks.

You need to talk to someone, that is creepy. Is your Mum in the picture?

This is a tough situation. I can understand where your dad is coming from in about the “protecting” aspect cause you are young and “his little girl” but this seems a bit too much. What bothers me the most is you saying he got mad for you posting about the molesting thing and being confused and depressed. sorry you feel this way.

I would go about this in by bring everything you said here up. I don’t know how open your dad is but I would hope you could talk with him and tell him how you feel about this situation. I would want to know more in why he doesn’t “trust” you. I think that he is very protective in almost a creepy way but this almost seems that he can’t trust you for some reason.

Also with this he might be upset with himself to find out his little girl was touched and he didn’t know what to say or do. Could be mad at himself.

TLDR: I would try and talk with him about how u feel and be open with it. I would bring up and ask if he trusts you. I try and say, I know you want me safe and protected but I am responsible and can start to handle things on my own and if I can’t I know I can come to you for help.

I hope this helps feel free to add or ask more.

It’s pretty hard as a parent to navigate the safe space on the internet. We protect you on the street and in the house but there is this huge place that we can’t protect you and everyone seems to come down in a different place as far as protection vs privacy. Our local police gave the parents at the high school a lecture on internet safety including local examples of bullying resulting in suicide and drug pushers, paedophiles and rapists – it scared me how much is hidden.

You’re the first generation to grow up immersed in social media and no one yet can say definitely what is the best way of parenting this stuff. All the young people on MassimoL will “privacy first” and the parents will say “safety first”.

This was a slight breach of privacy, but somewhat necessary at your age. When I was 14, the agreement with my parents was that I could have social media (MySpace at the time) but they had the passwords. 3 years later, I was in a horribly abusive relationship. My mom noticed something was up and snooped through my phone, saw all of the horrible threats, and told him never to come back. I was 17. My mom snooping probably saved my life. It’s likely that he noticed something was off when you were being bothered by that older boy.

That being said, I don’t think he should have paid someone to hack into it. Honestly he should have spoken to you, and asked you to unlock your phone, and taken the phone away if you refused.

I know it feels horrible to have your privacy invaded, but our parents are there to help us, given their intentions are to do so and their methods are kind. I am so grateful my mom took control of the situation despite being really upset at the time. I think it would be a good idea to have a talk with your parents about their expectations of your use of social media and their level of access to that social media. I think this would be a mature way to handle the situation, and I think they would appreciate that.

Suggest to your dad that instead of spying, why not just ask you? Or talk with you where you can trust him with private info? Because this doesn’t help further that end at all