I’m (34f) pretty furious and I just want to make sure I’m not overreacting.
My husband and I separated a couple years ago. He took our boy dog and I kept the girl in the split.
I asked for the boy dog back on multiple occasions (he was kept in his crate far too often IMO, then his girlfriend kicked him outside when she got a cat; I wanted him to be home where he was loved; I was denied each time).
Well.. he died the other day. My son (10m)called to tell me. Apparently my 6 year old walked out to him dead with flies buzzing around him after their dad picked them up for his weekend.
The girlfriend was home the whole time and he was just dead in the backyard. They claim he got into something and got sick. But… died immediately? This was a previously healthy 3 year old lab mix.
The call: “hi mommy. doggy got into something he shouldn’t have. He got really sick, and then he went to heaven”.
My gut is suspecting foul play. And my heart aches for my 6 year old who witnessed that and is now traumatized.
I don’t understand what happened or how. But I do have him home now. Albeit a little too late.
How do I bring up the conversation of what actually happened with our dog? If she did something to him I definitely don’t want my kids around her. Do you think he suspects her? He was grieving pretty heavily, so I doubt he was involved.
Thanks.
If 6 was traumatized, then it might help to do some consultation with a child psychologist. I would think his school has some grief resources, so I’d start there. That’s the easy part. The hard part is that you need to meet your ex in a public place after he grieves for a few days. With zero emotion, you tell him that you are going to say your piece, then leave because you just want him to think about what you are saying. An argument is that last thing you want to do with him. You realize things haven’t been great between the two of you always. You also know in his heart that he cared deeply for that dog as well as your children. Then you point out only facts about what you’ve witnessed with the dog (don’t accuse him of anything) and that you suspect girlfriend was neglecting the dog. You then thank him for listening, and take your leave.
I think your concerns are valid and it would 100% be right to bring up your concerns with your ex. It might plant a seed that needs to be planted. I’d say have a conversation with him that goes something like this:
“Name, I’m VERY concerned about our dog (name). Given he was previously a very healthy, very loved dog, I’m concerned about how his life ended. I’m concerned that someone poisoned him – especially given he showed no indications of illness leading up to his passing.”
If you suspect foul play you could get a necropsy, pet autopsy to find out. Contact your vet.
Ah, my mother’s friend broke my cats neck and left him for me to find when I was a child. If you can’t get him into therapy, I’d recommend doing some extensive research with books by psychologists on “processing grief/helping someone work through grief”. Sometimes just hearing the right words in the right order can do wonders.
This is a truly horrible situation, my blood is absolutely boiling reading this. My heart goes out to you, your son, and your sweet dogs.
Additionally, there is a chance they may try to “replace” the dog in hopes it’ll give them a clean slate with the child. My mother would do that just to end up abusing a new animal. God, I wish I had advice for this- because this becoming a pattern will absolutely fuck up a child to a really extreme degree. I just thought warning of the possibility – so it doesn’t catch you off guard – is the least I could do. I wish I had better advice. All I can say is I know exactly how both of you feel, and I’m so sorry.
I am sorry.
Maybe call an animal rights organization?
You have the deceased dog? Did I read that right? Take it for an autopsy.
You’ll likely never know what happened to the dog. In this case, it could very well be neglect rather than poisoning. The dog could have gotten sick but due to the fact that he lives outside and was not treated as part of the family either led to his illness not be discovered or ignored.
He could have ingested poison by mistake as well. Snail poison is extremely deadly to dogs and they love to eat it. He could have gotten distemper or Lyme or many other things. He could have had an undiagnosed condition.
The point of the matter here is that the dog got sick and was neglected to death. I’m not trying to invalidate your concerns, but these are the more likely scenarios all things considered. It doesn’t make it any easier but just know that when pets die “unexpectedly” people oftentimes want to think the animal was poisoned and those necropsies rarely find evidence of that. It’s usually disease and/or neglect.
Was the dog emaciated? You said he was covered in flies? Did he have signs of GI upset? Vomit? Diarrhea on his behind?
They just left his body in the yard? Who does that? I am so very sorry, and so sorry your little one discovered him that way. His dad didn’t even think that maybe that would be extremely upsetting for his kids and perhaps he should talk to them and BURY THEIR PUP?
I am so appalled and confused. I’ll echo others and say yes, a hard conversation is needed.