Throughout my high school years, I’ve gotten close to this teacher. For the first few months of being in the school, I talked to him a lot in his office, sometimes during break too because I came in late in the school year and I’ve had some problems in my previous school. The school doesn’t have a counselor and the teacher-student dynamic there is super friendly so it was not weird at all as he was also acting as the counselor in the school. Then at times, we would talk late at night via text, it was never sexual — mostly it was me venting about stuff. I started to bond with him and sometimes he would talk to me about his problems too. We became so close that we would give eachother nicknames. I’ve fallen in love with him and I feel like he feels the same way. Some people reading this might say it’s not love I’m feeling since I’m just a teenager but I’ve never been the type to throw the word love around easily and date boys for the sake of dating so I know what I feel.
Although I never really get uncomfortable, I decided to distance myself from him because at that point if someone knew, we both could get in trouble. He had no problem with this and we just get on our way.
Some time past, we didn’t really text anymore but at school, we would be playful with eachother but that’s about it.
A few days ago, I got really drunk and I drunk texted him. At first it was nothing but then he kept saying stuff like “usually people drunk text because they want to say something but not brave enough to say it while sober”, basically hinting that I should confess to him that I love him, so I did it. He said he feels the same way towards me. We text from 1am to 5am non stop and we kept texting for the next few days. He said that we can’t really do anything right now but I’ll be graduating in July and he would like to ask me out then, just to hangout and see where this would go.
He was married 2 times before, the first wife was abusive and the second one cheated on him so he told me multiple times before that he has no intention in getting married again but he told me that if I still want this with him after I graduated from university, that he would actually consider marrying me. This means a lot to me, the fact that his past has not been kind to him but he chose to trust me.
On one side, sometimes I still wonder like is he been grooming me? or does he have an ulterior motive with this? but on the other side, I’ve been looking online for signs of grooming and nothing that he has done is on the list. He’s nothing but patient and kind with me, and sometimes I would be on the edge about this, he never pressured me, instead he’s the one that made me take a step back and reevaluate if I truly want this. Should I continue talking to him and see where this goes after I finished uni or is it not worth it and too shady to pursue at all?
TL;DR I drunk texted my teacher, saying that I love him and he said he feels the same way, even went as far as saying he could see himself marrying me. Nothing that he has done struck me as a pedophile or a groomer but I could be wrong. Is this real, should I see where this would go after I finished uni or is this too shady?