you’re already at the “end of the rope” pining about divorcing anyways.. so why not at least bring it up to your wife to assess what needs to be done.
• Ideal scenario is, she acknowledges it and will try to fix it
• Worst case scenario is, she agrees and you’ve self-fullfilled your own prophecy.
• Other bad scenario, you stay silent and wallow in misery until you finally explode with no attempt to resolve anything while your wife is wondering where this pent of rage came from.
Who is she?
I think you are bored. I don’t blame you, but when I read someone claim they never loved their wife or were never happy in a long term marriage well, chances are good there is someone lurking in the wings.
So, is there someone else or not?
If you want to stay with her. Couples therapy. If she doesn’t agree, divorce I suppose.
The real question is, do you like your wife as a person?
You sound like you don’t even really like her personality. The idea of being alone with her scares you. I would ask yourself, what scares you about it?
Another point I’d like to make is- your relationship with each other sets the example to your kids. If you aren’t openly affectionate with your partner (hugs, kiss good bye, saying I love you, buying gifts for eachother etc) then your kids are going to believe thats how a marriage looks and how it should be. You are their role models. And while it might not be affecting them right now, their expectation of a relationship is going to be warped and they won’t quite understand it.
My last piece of advice. Often we hide away from pain. It’s our instinct. But when we face pain we face change. And only that kind of pain and change is what will help is grow into better people. You have to talk about this with your wife. Face the challenge head on. Be honest and open. Be vulnerable and emotional. Only by showing your true feelings will you ever make any progress. You can’t keep living a lie.
You already know what you really want to do, so just do it. Stop holding back. It’s unfair to you and your wife. Many kids are perfectly happy with divorced parents, as long as both parents are civil and good role models still.
You’re a good Dad, and being divorced won’t change that.
That being said, face the challenge, but take your time with it. There’s no need to rush decisions. But this will only be a good discussion if you’re calm, honest and clear.
Good luck dude! Either way you choose, life will be okay.
It’s time for counseling. You and your wife owe it to yourselves to sort things out with the help of a qualified professional. Regardless of what you ultimately decide, you will be glad you did.
My parents split up when I was seven and taught me so much about what is important in love – I got to experience two people who love eachother amicably choose to be apart because being together was making them unhappy. They always had joint custody of me, with no legal battle because they knew that would be torture to a young child.
I also saw my dad date, and met all these incredible women who cared for me, who I still talk to, and then he found his wife. They’ve been together for ten years and I’ve never seen him happier… His relationship, wife, and new son have taught me so much and I adore them.
My mom did the same, she opened a store and bought a new house, she had another child who is the centre of my universe. She travels, has strong friendships, loves me and my sister fiercely, and just lives the life she wants.
Divorce doesn’t mean you stop caring for this person, will not stop you from co-parenting and modelling healthy behaviours. My parents hated living together, they were miserable all the time and fought constantly. Them making the choice to live apart and still consider parenting as a partnership was brave and selfless.
You are not wrong to want to add new paths to your life, and that doesn’t mean you have to change every aspects of it! Good luck, I hope this perspective helped even a little ?❤️
(Edited for typos and to add my age)