Mom: You’d never notice on a galloping horse.
No one really looks closely at you.
If we were having a hard time doing a puzzle or something, mom would tell us “you gotta hold your teeth right”. Whenever she bought us presents they came from “the gettin place”.
My father has a bunch of them, but my favorites are:
“You’re shaking (or shivering) like you’re shitting peach pits” – he’d say this me whenever I would exhibit the slightest sign that I was cold, which he never seemed to be even on the coldest days
“Slower than blue molasses” = slower than slow, even slower than regular molasses, usually said about a slow driver in front of him, or to me when I was taking too long to do something (usually getting ready for school)
“More useless than tits on a boat” = even more useless than tits on a bull or boar. I’m convinced he used this because he once read the phrase wrong and mistook “boar” as “boat”.
My Nana always used to say “going for a big job” as her way of saying having a poo. In fairness, my jobs were rather big.
My dad always said “Life is like a bowl of cherries but you just gotta watch out for the shit underneath.” And to this day I have no fucking clue what it means. I asked him and he said one day you’ll get it. Well Dad I’m 36 and have no clue.