My (28F) children are 9F and 1M. My daughter has had frequent sleepovers at my Aunts home over the years with her cousins who are now 13F and 16F. My son has not yet been a part of these sleepovers but since he was about 3 days old, my Aunt has been begging to have him sleep over. I have just always said no and told her it was because I was nursing. Well now that my son is no longer nursing, my Aunt is pushing for sleepovers once it is safe again with this whole pandemic thing. The problem is that my Aunt has been dating this guy since last fall and I do not like him at all. My Aunt has a medical condition that significantly impacts her life so she is scared to be alone. As soon as she stops seeing someone, she’s in another serious relationship within a month. This is exactly what happened in the fall. I am leery of this guy because he tries so hard to look so perfect. Literally brought her flowers and other gifts every day for months and just had this vibe like he’s trying really hard for everyone to like him. My Aunt recently moved him in. One reason I don’t feel comfortable around him is because he grabbed my sons hand once really roughly when he was about 8 months old and was smacking my face during dinner. I was upset but other family members told me I was overreacting and he was “just trying to help me”. But the problem was he said nothing when he did it. Wasn’t even looking at me or my son. Just grabbed my sons arm and pulled it really far back behind him and held it there. Another thing that I find weird is that when they were together maybe a month, he was allowing his Granddaughter (3F) to sleep over in my aunts bed and sleeping between the two adults and allowing the Granddaughter to call my Aunt “Grandma”. The whole situation is extremely weird and uncomfortable to me. I want to be honest that I don’t trust him around my kids alone but I don’t know how to tell her when she asks. I am sure she will also say something like “well I trust him to be around my children so do you not trust me” or turn it around on her in some way so how do I address when she starts being manipulative?
My Aunt keeps pushing for my kids to sleep over but I don’t trust her new boyfriend. How do I tell her “no and I think your new dude is a creep” without offending her and turning the family against me/manipulating me.