He was just holding back, he was emotionally unavailable and had a vice issue. We talked about it and I thought maybe he was running from childhood issues. He refused therapy. After another year I realized it wasn’t going to work that way any longer. Told him either do therapy and quit all your vices for a while or I’m done.
Within six weeks he had started doing therapy every week, and went cold turkey.
The evening of his first therapy session he came home and cried in my lap and told me he knew it was exactly what he needed. It was like he finally let me in and then he decided to get sober while he did treatment for his childhood issues.
He’s like a new person. Best care scenario. I think most people are not nearly that capable of change. He’s my hero. And he’s his own hero too. That first step, into therapy, is so hard. Glad he went in all the way. He said it changes his life. I did some therapy too and then we did couples counseling a few months after his treatment started. Helped up connect better and learn how to have more empathy with each other. It was like, “ohhhh you aren’t trying to hurt me, you just don’t get it. Let’s find out how to help each other ‘get it’ so we can be a better team.” And now we know how to love each other better.
I stayed because when I said I wasn’t happy and needed to leave if he didn’t fix his issues, he didn’t make excuses, he chose action. Either act or get out of the relationship. That’s it. Words mean nothing, actions are everything.
2.5 yrs ago I started dating the man I thought I was going to marry, we hit it off right away and he was everything I wanted in a guy. Then winter hit and he wasn’t working and he became depressed and lazy. I was tempted to end it but we had such a connection I was determined for it work. Summer came and things got better. Then winter hit again and same thing, then summer and things got better again. Prior to him I dated a lot of duds so even though things were off a lot of the time it was better than what I was used to. I always set a timeline: “if things aren’t better at x time then I’ll end it”, or “I’ll see how our road trip goes because that will tell me”. Things always got better before the time came so I never ended it. But I always let him know if I was unsure about us because I didn’t want him to be blindsided. 3 weeks ago he finally pulled the plug and I’m heart broken. It sucks being left, especially when you thought you were done with being single and alone. 28F and I feel like I’m never going to find someone to spend my life with.
It was many things that led me to the breaking point. We started dating in high school and decided to continue dating into college, even though he was going to school in Boston and I was staying in NJ. I was already very apprehensive about long distance, but decided to give it a try because I really cared for him. At first it went fine, but I had a very tumultuous start to college and wound up having to transfer twice. He was supportive throughout all of this, but I know that the experience changed me as a person, made me stronger and wiser and more mature. I really had developed a whole new identity by the time I got to my final university, the one I attend now. Plus we had just grown apart; we had many different stances on communication, political issues, and drug use. He started smoking weed all the time with his buddies and I didn’t want to date a pothead. We started fighting a lot and he became someone I didn’t like anymore. By the time I left him, we had been together 4 and a half years. I’m thankful every single day that I was brave enough to leave him because I am now with someone who is so much better for me and makes me the happiest girl in the world.
Too gay to be dating a cis het man who wants to settle down and get married. Also he tried to change me and himself to better fit that suite, one of which I don’t plan on wearing. I stayed bc as a human I did love him and when we met I fell for him, and I believe it was real, but the butterflies migrated all too quickly revealing problematic issues. We worked together too, which became difficult. I stayed with him longer bc of work. But ultimately when I left him, he began to harass me there, cornering me, demanding i explain what he heard from someone at the bar about something i said to that persons friend.. yeh stupid shit like that. In the end he was actually incredibly undeveloped and immature to who I am as a person, even tho he is seven years my senior… BUH BYE.
TLDR; Don’t ignore the warning signs in the beginning, remember that butterflies have a short life span and migrate quickly, don’t be fooled by the nectar of flowers.
We were married for about 6 years and he was selfish and self centered for most if it. We went on a trip to Hawaii and I hated him. I figured if I couldn’t get along with him IN HAWAII I wasn’t putting up with him any more. I got off the plane and the next day contacted a divorce lawyer. It took me about a week to get my ducks in a row. I told him I wanted a divorce and the next day I came down with the flu. I was sick in bed for 2 weeks and he took care of me. Once I got better I didn’t want the divorce any more. He is still self centered, but for some reason it doesnt bother me anymore. I am much more upfront with him, I dont look to him to make me happy, and I am much more selfish too. We get along much better now. Itll be 10 years in July.