I've been seeing my (22F) boyfriend (25M) for almost two years now. We get along well and he is great in many ways but he always says I am too sensitive whenever I get upset or try to talk to him about what he does/says.
To give you an example of what he says to me, one time we were talking about having kids in the future and how I'd like to still work. He said 'yeah and our kids will end up hating you because you're never home.' I told him that wasn't very nice and he said it's just a joke and I'm way too sensitive.
Another example, today we called a store on my phone to check if they had some stock in, and we were on hold for a long time. Someone picked up and he told them mistakenly that we were already being helped. So they put us back on hold. I explained this to him, that it's highly unlikely anyone will take the call now because they think we're being looked after. He said it's okay and he'll call them on his phone instead. So I thought it was ok to hang up the call. Maybe that was stupid of me.
I did so, and he got really angry, started yelling, asking why I would do that repeatedly and where is my common sense etc. I said to him, I'm sorry but you don't need to get angry. I called them back. He said 'This isn't angry.' And told me I'm way too sensitive. I was a bit quiet for a few minutes and he was like 'Really? You're going to be like that?'. It feels like I can't express myself with him sometimes, otherwise he'll say I'm too sensitive or having a mood.
I've also struggled with an eating disorder for a decade or so now. Recently, I've gained some weight and am really struggling physically and emotionally. I've explained all this to him but he constantly makes fat jokes and will try to grab my stomach and squeeze it. It really hurts me and is quite triggering so I told him to stop many times but he again says I'm too sensitive and I need thicker skin, which he says, what he is doing will help me with.
He also says that I need to deal with it because that's how his family is and I won't fit in when I meet them if I'm this sensitive. I tried to explain I'm not his family, and I'm my own person but he didn't really get it.
This is just a few of many things he has said, 'as a joke' or done. I'm really struggling because I care about him and want this to work, but this is making me seriously rethink the relationship because I've already tried to talk to him about it with no success. I'm wondering if I really am too sensitive about things and need to learn to relax. Or if there's a better way for me to talk to him about this? I feel quite unsure at the moment.
TLDR; Boyfriend thinks I'm over sensitive and I'm unsure if this is true.
“You’re too sensitive!” usually equals, “I’m an abusive douchebag!”. And this case proves it once again. Move on and don’t look back.
Wow..no, you’re not too sensitive. He’s an asshole and seems to have absusive tendencies. Please don’t let him make you think that you’re blowing his behavior out of proportion.
Call him out on his behavior and stand your ground…if you don’t, his behavior will never change…and if he leaves, good riddance. You’re not being treated well.
If it was just that dumb kid comment I might say he just has a dumb sense of humour but fat jokes to someone who has an eating disorder? He’s being incredibly insensitive and you’re not being “too sensitive”, that’s just a line he uses so he doesn’t have to actually acknowledge your feelings.
I would say next time he says that say something along the lines of “I’m not too sensitive. That’s not true, and if you’re going to keep speaking to me like that I will have to leave.” Draw a hard line, you know who you are and he can’t tell you otherwise.
Even if you were too sensitive (which you’re not), it’s not a loving response for him to keep hitting your sensitivities like this. He’s not trying to toughen you up, he’s deliberately provoking you.
DTMFA (Dump the motherfucker already)
You’re not too sensitive, your bf is an asshole. You can do better than an asshole.