> she says she does everything for me and I won’t do this one thing for her
That’s manipulative and controlling.
Your body, you do with it what you want. Of course, she’s free to set boundaries like “I dont’ want to be around when you have hairy legs”, however silly they are. She has the right to not interact with you for whatever reason, just like being a manipulative, unsupportive mother would be enough reason for you to distance yourself.
As a parent, I’m baffled by this. If my kid dyed himself purple and shaved his head bald, I would still want to spend as much time as I could with him. That’s just insane.
BODY HAIR IS NOT GROSS.
You’re a grown woman. Your body hair is nothing to do with your mother. If she’s willing to let something so trivial put a rift between you two then she’s got bigger problems. This sounds like an issue of control. Stick to your guns.
“I’m sorry, mom, I cannot come home or talk to you, as long as you’re shaving your armpits and legs. Please consider to stop shaving, unless you want to ruin our relationship.”
Or just dye the hair in your armpits bright blue.
And yes, I know those are the most petty reactions you could give. But she is ridiculous. It is your body. I could understand if she voiced her concerns should you want to get your face tattooed. But it is hair for fu¢ks sake.