Relazioni e amore

My (23F) mom (54F) says it is going to ruin our relationship if I dont shave.

tamiaredguard ci racconta la sua esperienza:

I've stopped shaving my armpits and my legs in the past couple months, it makes me feel better about my body. I know a lot of people find this gross, but I genuinely prefer it this was. I have dark hairs so it is also super noticeable. I live away from home and came back for the long weekend. My parents just got a boat, my mom says I will not be allowed on it if I dont shave, I said I would leave my shirt and pants on so she doesn't have to see it, but she is upset because she says she does everything for me and I won't do this one thing for her. She also says I am stubborn and unwilling to compromise, but I thought leaving my clothes on so she wouldn't have to look at it was a good compromise.
I dont know where to go from here. I dont want to ruin my relationship with my mom, but I really do feel more comfortable this way. Should I just shave? Stop coming home? Accept that I won't have a good relationship with my mom? She is also mad at my dad (M54) because while he also doesn't approve of it, he isn't laying a hard line down like her.

TLDR: I stopped shaving my armpits and legs and it is causing a divide between my mom and I

Nope she’s being nuts.

“Mom, I’m not up for more conversation about my body hair.”

Don’t talk about it, don’t acknowledge it, don’t change yourself, walk away if she brings it up. Your body, your choice.

As for the boat thing- no more indulging the conversation or offering different clothing options. When she says something like that, say “oh that’s too bad, I really like the boat.” Just deescalate. And then proceed like she didn’t try to ban you from the boat. Like, go enjoy the boat.

It kinds sounds like your mom thinks your her pet and not her daughter. The “I do everything for you and you won’t do this one thing for me” line is so possessive. Especially over something as silly as your aesthetic.

I’m sorry, what?!

If you’re out in the middle of the sea somewhere then it’s not like other people on other boats are going to pass by and notice your unshaven body. And even if they did for some reason… So what? It doesn’t affect anyone except yourself.

Your mother’s comment (your mother’s whole stance, tbh) is ridiculous. Saying that “it’s going to affect our relationship” is an excuse for her to start treating you badly and then blame it on your lack of shaving. It’s emotional blackmail.

Nothing wrong with taking a break until your mom knocks it off.

Good grief. What an odd person your mother is. It’s none of her beeswax what you do with your body hair. I wouldnt compromise one jot with a ridiculous request like that. Unless you are desperate to be on that boat for some reason I’d let them go ahead without you.

In fact I let them go ahead without you completely, who needs that level of judgement and control at your age? You dont have a healthy relationship with your mother if this is how she behaves, and so perhaps letting the relationship be ‘ruined’ by standing up for yourself may be the first step in either rebuilding it with a more healthy balance or putting some necessary distance between your independence and her domineering.