Relazioni e amore

My wife [38F] of 2 years just revealed she hooked up with my brother [25M] before meeting me [35M].

potelti ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

I am 35, my wife is 38. We first met in July 2016 after a mutual friend set us up on a blind date. We got married in May of 2018, and are celebrating our 2 year anniversary. We have a 1 year old son.

I have two brothers, one older and one younger [25M]. My younger brother is very handsome, smart, and successful and a lot of women throw themselves at him.

Yesterday, my wife was showing me some old photos on her previous phone from when we first started dating in 2016, because we want to make a scrapbook to mark our 2 year anniversary. She then accidentally scrolled through a photo of her standing next to my brother as well as some screenshotted texts.

I asked her what those were, and she laughed and said she had actually met my brother at the cocktail party of some friends back in April 2016. Apparently they hooked up after the party and exchanged numbers.

She let me read through the texts because she thought it was funny. I looked and she wrote stuff like “hey cutie!” and “would love to hang out or get drinks with you sometime”. My brother was completely not interested, his last text to her was “sorry but Im just not in a place to date anyone, I just got out of a long term relationship and I feel like we have a generational gap between us”.

My wife said it made her a bit bummed out when he rejected her, but she got over it quickly. She said when she met me three months later she didn’t even know I was his brother at first.

A lot of things now make sense. Because my brother got back with his ex girlfriend [22F] in 2017 and my wife has never liked his girlfriend. She thinks that she is too “showy”. Also, my wife has always been close to my brother and now I’m wondering if there are ulterior motives.

I got upset after my wife revealed this to me and said I needed some time alone. I can’t believe she hasn’t told me after nearly 4 years. She said she didn’t want me to get angry and said it also wasn’t her proudest moment.

We haven’t spoken since yesterday. I feel like she needs to apologize to me for keeping this a secret. She says I am overreacting, but I don’t think I am.

TLDR: Wife revealed that a few months before she met me, she had slept with my younger brother after a party.

UPDATE: My brother just called back and he said he didnt tell me about it because he “didnt think it was worth mentioning” and that it was a one night thing. He says there’s nothing between them and even his girlfriend knows about it. Apparently she thinks its hilarious.

It was pretty shitty of her not to tell you, but if you’re mad at her are you also mad at your brother?

Yeah, so that’s something you bring up a few weeks into dating, not years into marriage cause ya got caught.

Also why didn’t your brother ever say anything. I’d be royally pissed at both of them. That is not information you keep a secret.

I’d be questioning if I could trust either of them. Sorry man, that really rough. I’d have a sit down with your brother asap and confront him about this. Get in touch with him before she has time to meddle. Ask him to know everything and ask him if she’s been after him since or if they ever slept together again. I’d fucking hammer him for info until he breaks.

I think she owes you more than an apology, as does your brother. I can’t believe that at least he didn’t tell you they hooked up before. There’s a serious ick factor here and I’m not sure who’s more to blame.

You said she thinks it’s funny, but would she find it funny if the roles were reversed? What if you messed around with her sister, or her cousin, only three months before meeting her? How do you know she was actually interested in you instead of just trying to find ways to get closer to your brother, who she was clearly very interested in?

Sorry you’re going through this. I would suggest getting some counseling and deciding if this is a relationship worth salvaging.

Wtf, why didn’t ur brother tell u when he met her as ur gf. That’s seriously fucked up on both sides. Pretty speechless but ur wife is really fucked up for not telling u

So, your wife (36 at the time) picked up and fucked a 23 year-old and AFTER that tried to get to know him for a romantic relationship, which he wasn’t interested in. Then, within three months, she’s with you. When she discovers she had had sex with your own brother she hides it from you but makes it clear she still “likes” him – and possibly still LIKES him – and is jealous of other women he’s with?

I have to say, she doesn’t sound like a keeper to me. I’d also be very hurt if my brother kept something like that from me, even though you could write the script for his excuse, too (it’ll be similar to hers: “I didn’t want to hurt you”, which in fact means, “I’m not brave and decent enough to do the right thing”).

Please bear in mind that either of them could have – and absolutely, 100% no-doubt-about-it SHOULD have – told you all this before you married her.

Sorry, I find their behaviour vile.