Info – I tried to break up with him some weeks ago but we decided to give the relationship another try.
Today I [28F] was on the phone with him [35M]. Everything was great but then he mentions something. Nothing serious, just my boobs. He knows that my nipples are very sensitive and I don't like it when he is playing with them. We already talked about this, but still – he insists.
We got into a fight, I explained to him again, that this is very uncomfortable for me and that it is literally painful to me. So he said okay, sorry for bringing it up again, he “appologized” explaining to me that he is just really into boobs.
I told him that it is not a real appology if he says “sorry, but I'm just really into boobs and I think you should let me play with your nipples”. We got into a bigger fight and I told him that I want to break up because I don't think it is normal that he is trying to force me into something I don't like.
One hour later he messaged me that I'm overreacting, he asked me if he can at least touch them and he asked for a boobjob as a compensation…
I'm still shocked. What the heck? How should I reply? What should I do? Please help me MassimoL, am I really overreacting?
Thank you in advance!
TLDR: Boyfriend wants to play with my nipples even though he knows it is uncomfortable and painful to me. Said I'm overreacting when I wanted to break up and asked for a boobjob az a compensation.
You already tried to end the relationship once. Do it again but this time end it properly.
Compensation? That choice of words really illustrates that he sees you as body parts that he’s entitled to rather than an actual person whose autonomy matters. You are 100% right. Drop that loser. You’ll feel so much better.
ETA: I recommend you document and save those messages, as well as texting him not to contact you again. If he doesn’t leave you alone you may be able to file for a restraining order for sexual harrassment. That depends on the laws where you live.
>> “sorry, but I’m just really into boobs and I think you should let me play with your nipples”.
So you have to be uncomfortable because of your bf’s pantsfeelings. Sounds cool. Also, someone who tells you you are overreacting when you have boundaries aruond your own body needs to be dumped immediately.
Break up with him and don’t engage with him more than you have to if you have to sort out stuff.
He isn’t respecting your boundaries or your body. You’ve stated you don’t like what he is doing very clearly, and so he needs to refrain from doing that even if it is something he wants to do for his own pleasure. If he wants to do it so badly then he should find someone that likes having it done. I don’t think it is wrong to ask someone to do something but if they say no, then that is the end of that.
He is trying to manipulate you in the situation into feeling sorry for him that he doesn’t get to live out all of his fantasies “woe is me, I can’t even play with my gfs boobs, every other boyfriend gets to. We are supposed to share everything with each other and that means our bodies. Guess I’ll just be celebrate and unhappy because you’re a prude. Why don’t you just try to be more open?”
You don’t owe him his fantasies and desires, and if you aren’t on the same page sexually you shouldn’t be together. It’s only going to lead to one of you feeling frustrated and one of you feeling violated. There are a lot of areas in relationships where people should compromise, but I don’t think sex is one of them. The person who is least comfortable should always not go past their limit, or limit to try something. If the other person isn’t satisfied then instead of trying to force something they need to find someone who they are more compatible with.
And something that causes someone pleasure is not equal to causing someone pain. He should see that as obvious. Him getting aroused is not as important as not hurting you. He seems to think his pleasure is more important so although he may accuse you of being selfish it’s apples to oranges and in fact it’s him being selfish. Just leave him.
Imagine you were really into biting his dick every time you gave him oral. Imagine he said “ow, stop, i don’t enjoy that” imagine you said “But i really like dicks! You should let me bite yours because i like it”
Fucking insane right?